Be careful of what you are praying for.

 Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. 

This month, I think that is the newest life lesson I learnt. 

We all do have certain things that we wish to happen, we wish to be bestowed upon us. Be it as general as long life, great health, massive wealth, or as specific as a red car, a double storey house, or the latest phone in the market. 

We would always have those kind of wishes we hope to come true, one fine day. Things that we may not afford now, but should be coming into our way one day. 

And these days, we have our prayers granted in such interesting ways :') 

As for me, I've always wanted to have the opportunites of preparing myself ahead of praying times. There is one phrase - intizorus solah - which means, to have the luxury of waiting the praying times. More often than not, we will be praying once it is adzan already, or worse, way after that. While we may be obstructed by so many worldly affairs that compelled us from praying in the early times, I've always wished to be given opportunites to be able to prepare myself with ablution and wait for the praying times on the prayer mat, meanwhile I could do necessary practices that shall bring more inner peace to me such as zikir and reciting Quran. Such things, such package. 

And these days, those wishes are fulfilled, in a quite interesting way. One, it is the month of Ramadhan, which of course we will be waking up before azan Subuh. But secondly, the fact that my husband would have to leave house even before azan Subuh, is somehow another fact to note that - I would have more time and space to wait for the praying time. We would wake up super early for our sahur. He will be getting ready to work immediately after that, even before Subuh, just to avoid ugly traffice in this Holy month of Ramadhan. Traffic during this fasting month is no joke, even leaving as early as 6.30 would bring me to PJ only at 8 something. Him, somemore, because his office is further than mine. So alternatively, he left super early and would be able to perform Subuh prayer at mosque nearby his office. That way too, alhamdulillah, his prayer is answered by Allah, that he could be able to perform jemaah Subuh prayer at mosque - because sometimes he could not make it if he is home. 

That - is among our wishes that He grants. But in return, we have to always bear in mind that we might be losing something. Such as more time to ourselves as we would have to sleep earlier than usual, since we will be waking super early to start a new day. Consequently that sets limit to our other activities at night too - such as any night date or strolling together etc. 

Hence, in a way, I learn that I need to be careful of what I am praying for. There are of course, many other bigger examples, that I think shall be limited to our knowledge only. But the basic point is that - indeed, we have to prepare ourselves too of what we are praying for. 

First thing first, we can always pray, pray and pray. And the only one who can answer those prayers, is solely Him. How, when - let Him decides. Therefore along the wishes that we request from Him, might as well we add on some more, for the prayers to be granted in the most beautiful way at the most beautiful time to us - and we would never think bad of whatever happens to us. To always husnudzzhon to Him and His arrangements. To always acknowledge that His plans would be much wayyy better than ours. And to always know - He would always be there for us and would grant our wishes, in a matter of time. 

Insha ALLAH. 

Robbana aatina fiddunya hasanah, wafil akhiroti hasanah, waqina ázabannar. 

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The usual of unusuals

 Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. 

Firdaus has been reporting duty in his new office since last Friday. Previously he based in Balakong, but later moved to Glenmarie for better opportunity. Of course, there are prices that we have to pay :') 

I always remind ourselves not to be too indulged in the comfort zone. His, somemore. I think because we have been always having thing easy since the beginning of our marriage, in the sense of job and house, hence things like these do not really bother me. 

However, moving office to Glenmarie means huge not only to him, but to me as well. His daily routine changes, as much as mine. Usually I will leave for work earlier than him, for my office is more far than his, from our house. He then will have some time in the morning to properly send me off to work and to complete some of the housechores; the laundry, throw away garbage, cleaning the porch, water the plants yada yada. He was also responsible to ensure things are properly shut off - such as sterika, fans and lamps, as well as to ensure the door and gate are properly locked. All these were done before he went off to his office. Usually. 

While me, in the evening, will arrive earlier than he does. So I will pick up and fold the clothes, entering the kitchen and cooking the dinner, also clean the entire house as well as prepare for some evening tea for both us, and to greet him home usually around 6 pm, 6.15 the most. 

But nowadays, those usually has become unusual. Haha. Since he has to leave much more earlier than before, even earlier than me, he could not do those tasks anymore. And he will arrive home much later in the evening than I do. All because now that his office is at Glenmarie, which on normal traffic would cost him around 45 minutes, but can be a lot longer if the traffic is congested. And more often than not, of course the traffic will be so bad that 45 minutes is impossible during peak hours. 

So far, we both try to leave together, simply because I dont like the feeling of being left behind haha. We try to the laundry at night hence we just need to settle lesser chores in the morning. I will have to bear his rushingness (?) because he is afraid of being late which will cause him longer in the boring, long traffic. 

It is not easy. 

In fact, I kind of having this hunch that both of us, are having that tiny little red dots in our heart, of worrying what the future actually holds for us. Will we be fine with these changes? Will he be doing okay in the new company? Does he make a right decision of leaving the previous office? You know, all those kind of uncertainties that we human cannot answer, unless ALLAH determines everything. 

Among those tiny dots, I also have this kind of belief - THERE MUST BE SOMETHING ALLAH WANTS US TO LEARN AND GAIN. Not only my husband has to be off his comfort zone, but it happens to be my comfort zone as well. With different privileges that come, that we have to let go some of existing privileges we've been enjoying these years, medical insurance for example - I strongly believe that indeed THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WE HAVE TO LEARN. 

Maybe this is the way we can optimize our day. Our blessed day with blessed rizq. That we always pray to ALLAH - rezeki yang diberkati. 

Maybe this is the way we will be closer to Him - that we may have went away a bit far than we suppose to. That we will always long for His endless mercy and love - to ease matters to us that seem so huge and heavy to take. 

Maybe this is the way we will be taught to be more grateful to Allah, and to appreciate each other's presence and purpose more. To allow us to revise our feelings, whether those feelings are validated or not. 

Maybe this is the way to educate us to be more patient to Him, for whatever bounties that He has been bestowing upon us that we may have forgotten or unconsciously enjoying with insufficient thankfulness to him. 

May we can always see whatever wisdom that Allah wants us to. 

Husband, may things go smoothly for you, for us. Aamiin insha ALLAH. 

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Among those days...

 Today, is among the other days, that I feel like giving up. 

Not often, but indeed it is quite frequent, that I walk out of that place, with the urge to cry my heart out loud. That I feel so stupid. That I feel so humiliated - for whatever reason. That I feel so incompetent - even I have been in this place for some time. I know that I am still learning, so mistakes are unavoidable, but trust me when I say I do try my very best to minimize the mistake and I pray nothing but the mistake, if it shall happen anyway, will not badly affect any one in any way. 

Things are crazy inside. It is like a battlefield that I go everyday. The moment I enter the place, there is no way for me to back out, except when all the matters are resolved. Be it whatever it can be, but things must be settled before I can set my feet out of it. 

And it has come to my realization that no one actually wants to be in my place. It is crazy, and gets crazier every single time. 

But I have to say that ALLAH really is kind and generous towards me. I have a supporting husband who tries to understand in the best way he could, I have colleagues who I can share the rants everyday and alhamdulillah too that Ive been surrounded by so many kind souls around me - who are willing to lend their hands to me whenever needed alhamdulillah. Also, I have to be grateful too that so far, I believe ALLAH has protected me in so many ways on so many times that probably I dont know of. From every single thing that could have happened to me - ALLAH probably has shielded me very protectively, which I cannot even imagine. 

O Allah. 

There must be reason why I am placed here. 

Be it anything, but please make it something beautiful for me to endure, and something pretty to fight for. 

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